Surviving the First Trimester: What? Why? Where?

So, you’ve peed on a stick (or maybe ten, just to be sure), and the test confirmed it—you’re officially growing a tiny human! Welcome to the first trimester: a magical time when your body is working harder than a construction crew on a deadline, and your emotions are riding a rollercoaster that makes the wild mouse look like child’s play. As you navigate these first few months, you might wonder, “What do I actually need to survive this trimester?” Don’t worry; I’ve got you covered with a list of essentials you didn’t know you needed—plus a few you’ll wish you had!

1. Saltines and Ginger Everything: Your New Best Friends Forget your usual breakfast routine; it’s time to embrace the humble saltine cracker. These bland little lifesavers will be your first line of defense against morning sickness, which, by the way, does not restrict itself to the morning. Ginger tea, ginger candies, ginger ale—if it has ginger, grab it. You might as well turn into a gingerbread house at this point. It’s like a bad dating profile: “I enjoy long walks to the bathroom and eating crackers in bed.”

2. A Bra with No Sense of Decency Listen, this is not the time for sexy lingerie. Your boobs are tender, swollen, and have possibly taken on a mind of their own. You need a bra that’s more like a cozy hug and less like a corset from the 18th century. Think of the least attractive, most comfortable bra possible, and then buy three of them. If it feels like you’re wearing nothing, you’ve done it right.

3. Pregnancy Apps (a.k.a. Tiny Human Reporters) Want to know exactly how big your baby is every day of the week? Look no further than pregnancy apps, where you’ll get fun comparisons like “your baby is the size of a lentil” or “your baby is the size of a large shrimp.” Because nothing makes you feel more majestic than imagining a prawn doing somersaults in your uterus. Plus, you get daily updates on bizarre symptoms that are somehow considered “totally normal.” Thanks, baby.

4. A Pillow Fort of Epic Proportions Tired? You will be. Always. In fact, your first trimester is a level of exhaustion you’ve never experienced, like you’ve run a marathon, climbed Everest, and wrestled a bear—all before breakfast. To combat this, build yourself a pillow fort. Invest in a body pillow, regular pillows, maybe a pillow shaped like a giant donut (because why not?). You’ll spend 70% of your time here, so make it comfy.

5. A Mystery Scent Detector Your sense of smell in the first trimester? It’s like a superpower you never asked for. Suddenly, you can smell your neighbor’s dinner from three blocks away, and it’s repulsive. The shampoo you’ve loved for years now makes you gag. And don’t even get started on the fridge. Your best bet? Carry around a small bottle of essential oils to sniff when the world becomes an olfactory assault course. Bonus points if it’s peppermint or lemon—they help with nausea, too!

6. A "No Questions Asked" Snack Drawer This is your sacred space. Fill it with whatever your heart (or stomach) desires, be it granola bars, gummy bears, or pickles. Some days you’ll crave something normal, like fruit. Other days, it’ll be a peanut butter and pickle sandwich with a side of mustard. It’s best to stock up now, because when a craving hits, it’s like the Hunger Games: may the odds be ever in your flavor.

7. Loose Pants with a Forgiving Waistband Look, buttons and zippers are overrated. Your bloated belly will not tolerate such nonsense. Leggings, joggers, and anything with a drawstring are your new besties. If it feels like wearing pajamas in public, even better. No one’s judging you—not now, not ever. In fact, consider buying a few maternity pieces now, because it’s never too early to embrace stretchy fabric.

8. A Quick-Draw Bathroom Map You will need to know the location of every bathroom, everywhere. Home, work, the grocery store, your friend’s house—scouting these out is now a necessity because peeing every 20 minutes is your new normal. Make a mental note of the quickest route to each one, because when you gotta go, you gotta go. You’re basically becoming a bathroom connoisseur.

9. The Chillest Playlist for Mood Swings First trimester mood swings are real, and they are fierce. One minute you’re crying because you dropped a spoon, the next you’re ready to fight anyone who looks at you sideways. Create a playlist that can ride these waves with you—something with mellow tunes for when you’re crying at dog commercials, and maybe some empowering anthems for when you’re suddenly a warrior goddess.

10. Humor and Grace (Because You’re Gonna Need It) Lastly, the most essential item: your sense of humor. Things are going to get weird, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright gross. But laughter is your secret weapon. Embrace the ridiculousness of this journey—after all, you’re growing a human! Treat yourself with kindness, take naps without guilt, and remember: this, too, shall pass (probably while you’re nibbling on your tenth saltine of the day).

The first trimester is a wild ride. I still recall when I had a metal taste on my tastebud all the time during the first trimester. However, with these essentials (and a good sense of humor), you’re well-equipped to handle anything it throws your way. So stock up on those crackers, build your pillow fortress, and embrace the adventure—one snack, nap, and ridiculous symptom at a time. You’ve got this!